Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you made out with another girl for some wings
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
