Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
