i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
