You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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