my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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