Are my feet made of real feet?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
