i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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