eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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