this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
