Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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