i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
