so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
