I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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