You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
