I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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