she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
