so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
