The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
