I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
