Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Blood and glitter go together right?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
