I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
