dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
