oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
