I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
