he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
