You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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