I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
3 2 1 whiskey
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
