She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
