If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
