There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
