I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
