I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is Oprah even human
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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