Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
