The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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