New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
