She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
