Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
