i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
