I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
