yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
