Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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