I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize