I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
