I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
