I've blown a few things in my day
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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