Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
