I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This baby is an asshole
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
