so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
high people should be assigned attendants
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
