I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
