i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can I color on your dick again?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
