I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
