i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
