Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
