Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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