this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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