Quick, to the slutcave!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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