the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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