I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
