You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
