She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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