To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
