perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
